10 Questions To JOB RECRUITERS, From a Millennial

  1. Applying on a job board: Why the freakity freak do I have to get an email from an employer stating that I still need to apply on the site, after applying on indeed? What’s the point of allowing your job posting to have “easy apply” if I still have to apply on the website, after easily applying? I mean, what else do you need from me, other from my resume?
  2. Filling out shit already on the resume I uploaded: Why when I apply for a job and they ask me to upload my resume, they still ask me information THAT’S ON MY FREAKING RESUME? Why are you making me go through all this?
  3. References: Why do I need someone to vouch that I’m a good worker? How about you hire me and see for yourself. If I’m coming from Mcdonalds, applying for a office job, I promise you I will not be the same employee I was there. I promise you I act according to the job I’m given. My behavior changes based on if I actually LIKE THE JOB or not. And no, my previous employers wont like me, because it’s either they fired me (for not doing the right shit) or they’re salty asf that I don’t want to work at their shitty establishment anymore. Additionally, I do not befriend my managers. I couldn’t give a damn about them. I don’t batter my eyes to get special privileges, I don’t befriend them, I don’t take their bullshit; I do my job and go home. And no, I don’t befriend my professors either, I do my work and go the freak home. I don’t have friends, I’m not friendly for fun. I can be friendly to get this job though, I can be friendly with customers to get their money though. I CAN BE ANYBODY YOU WANT ME TO BE. What people think of me doesn’t determine my worth because I adjust based on my environment. Additionally, people change. That last employer might think I was an asshole, but it’s been 2 years, maybe I went to a therapist and expelled my demons and became filled with flowers and sunshine and shit, ya never know.
  4. Calls: When you call me about a job I applied for, first things first, tell me your name and the company you work for. Because, more than likely, I’ve applied to 10 other jobs and I don’t know who you are. Don’t assume, I’ve only applied to your company, who do you think you are? Be freaking practical! I don’t know who you are and I don’t know why your company is significant, it’s just that the job you’re offering appeals to my interests and/or skills.
  5. Email me! Don’t call people out of the blue with no heads up. I don’t know your number, you could be anybody. I could be busy, I could be angry, sad, hurt or hungry. Email me and schedule an appropriate time, it’s common courtesy, bro, like come on.
  6. DON’T EXPECT ME TO HAVE EXPERIENCE! I’m applying for an entry level position, I’m fresh out of college, what kind of experience you expect me to have outside of my freaking degree? MY DEGREE IS MY EXPERIENCE. Don’t bullshit me! It’s a damn entry level position, ENTRYYYY being the operative word, this is going to be my first time doing a job like this. Stop making shit so hard, give me a shot!
  7. Don’t ask me why I want your specific job: I wan’t a job cause I need income to freaking survive. YESSSSS, I’d rather live on a beach somewhere and eat, and sun bathe all day but I can’t do that, I need money. NOOOOOO, I don’t dream of being in a place where people belittle me and tell me what to do all the freaking time. I don’t like working for people. NOBODY DOES!
  8. I’m nervous as freak: Without this job, I will be living on the streets. SO I’m nervous asf, don’t judge me based solely on my interview. Get a sense of my personality, take the stress away. Don’t use 10 people to interview ONE person, you are doing wayyyyy too much. I understand you want to see how your candidate does in pressure but there’s pressure and then there’s an interrogation, relax a bit.
  9. Qualifications: Chill on the qualifications! 3.5 GPA and above. REALLY?!?!? You know how hard it is to balance 6, 400 level classes and a job. I’m lucky to be in the 3’s at all.
  10. Internships: You’re an UPAID internship but you don’t provide housing? What the bullshit? Guess I’m gonna fly to work from my cardboard box. You’re not paying me, THE LEAST you can do is provide a few benefits to working for you.

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